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Take-a-Hike: A Very Special Invitation from EGR

Initially, we weren't going to put this on the web at all -- it was just gonna be a little note to subscribers. Then it got out of hand. Naturally.

Like it says, there aren't any pichers, so it's going up bracketed in <PRE> tags and looking like what it is: email. If you don't like this format, please send your detailed thoughts to /dev/nul@panix.com.

Thank you.

SPECIAL EDITION (for subscribers only -- no web version on this one).

...in which we set out to send a little note, but get carried away...


                                     All Noise - All the Time

Seeing as how our Gonzo Manifesto generated a record number of
unsubscribes -- about five or six -- and that this helped *a
little* in weeding out some of the more obvious deadwood (we
picked up at least 20 times that in new subs), we thought we'd try
to top our own Personal Best for generating the Most Readers
Disgruntled By a Single Issue. There's quite a lot of text in this
edition, but no pictures -- so sadly, we'll only be able to piss
off those of you who can read.

Ready on those delete keys?  OK then, let's get started!

EGR Nominated for Webby Awards

As we just wrote at http://www.rageboy.com

    It seems EGR has been nominated for something called The Webby
    Awards, sponsored by The Web Magazine, The Discovery Channel and a
    bunch of obscure cyberadvertisers. This allows us to display what
    must be one of the all-time lamest gifs ever hacked up for an
    award (see graphical abomination at left -- what *is* that, an
    irradiated rubber glove?). But what the hell, click on it anyway
    and go vote for us. Think about it: if we win, you may be able to
    hear John Belushi's terminally disembodied voice shouting "Holy
    Shit!!!" over the Discovery Channel...

Despite the Kindergarten Graffiks and our usual savaging of the hand
that feeds us -- presumably embedded in the aforementioned glove --
the fact remains that we are so enthusiastic about this contest we can
barely contain ourselves.  We are so excited we could have an
accident!  (Maybe that's why a *rubber* glove -- though naturally,
this is mere speculation.)

Evidently, the sponsors were pretty excited too, as they neglected to
insert actual dates into the Official Contest Rules posted on the web,
depending on Unix-like parameters instead:

"To enter The Web Magazine's Fly to the Webby Awards Contest (the
"Contest"), vote for your favorite web site in each of 15 categories
between [date and time contest began] and [date and time contest ends]
on The Web Magazine's web site, Web Central Station."

Never mind. Just go vote for EGR at http://www.webbyaward.com/

    [actually, you can't anymore, as we had to replace the URL above
    with this year's, and this year we're not part of all the excitement.]

Another item in the rules states that "Except where prohibited, by
accepting prize, winner consents to the use of his/her name, photo
and/or likeness for advertising and promotional purposes without
additional compensation."  In the spirit of Good Clean Fun, we really
want to win and/or be selected for a prize in this competition so
that, with respect to the foregoing stipulation, we can refer The Web
Magazine to our own Official "Jump Up My Ass" Page, which astute
readers will no doubt recall from our last outing.


Perhaps the full announcement we received is worth sharing -- along
with the curious wrapper it arrived in.  Note that it was initially
sent to one "info-person," which seems to have prompted some head
scratching at Panix, our Internet Service Provider in New York.  Note
also, that sender and signer are either different persons or a single,
seriously identity-challenged, individual.

>From: "Victoria O'Staff" <vf@panix.com>
>Subject: Congratulations from THE WEB Magazine! (fwd)
>To: clocke@rageboy.com (Christopher Locke)
>Date: Tue, 21 Jan 1997 11:42:28 -0500 (EST)
>Apparently, this message is meant for you.  Perhaps PC World doesn't
>quite grok the concept of user web pages on an ISP...
>(Congrats on the nomination, though!)
>Victoria C. Fike            |  Praise to Eris and her Apple
>Panix Support Wench         |  We tend her Chao who's nicely dappled
>Work-stuff: vf@panix.com    |  As we sit here chugging Snapple
>Other-stuff: tori@panix.com |  Discord's good enough for me!
>Forwarded message:
>> From: angie_weber@PCWorld.com
>> Date: Mon, 20 Jan 97 14:22:38 PST
>> To: info-person@panix.com
>> Subject: Congratulations from THE WEB Magazine!
>>  Congratulations! Your site, Entropy Gradient Reversals, has just been
>>  nominated for the Webby Awards.
>>  The Webby Awards is the Internet's first major content-driven,
>>  consumer-focused, webcast and nationally televised awards program. The
>>  event will take place on March 6, 1997 at the San Francisco music club
>>  Bimbo's. Mayor Willie Brown will introduce the bash along with other
>>  celebrity presenters and top-notch bands brought in by CBS affiliate,
>>  Alice 97.3 FM. Other Sponsors of The Webby Awards currently include
>>  LinkExchange, Princeton Graphic Systems, US Robotics and the Discovery
>>  Channel TV show, "Cyberlife," which will televise portions of the
>>  ceremony for a special national TV broadcast later in the year.
>>  You have the possibility of winning 2 different awards. One award is
>>  decided by a distinguished panel of judges in your particular category
>>  and the second award possibilty is The Top of The Web Award, chosen by
>>  by all online users.
>>  Winners will be announced at a gala event:
>>  7PM
>>  March 6th, 1997
>>  Bimbo's
>>  1025 Columbus Avenue
>>  San Francisco, CA 94133
>>  Four members of your team are cordially invited to attend the New
>>  Media celebration. If you cannot make it to San Francisco, there will
>>  be a live Webcast www.webmagazine.com 7 p.m. PST  We will also
>>  celebrate the nominees and winners in the April < May issues of THE
>>  WEB Magazine.
>>  Please encourage your fans to vote for your site. We have created a
>>  graphic that you can post to your page that will directly link to the
>>  votingsite. You can download a graphic and also rsvp to the event by
>>  pointing your browser to www.webmagazine.com/webby/nominee
>>  Everyone who votes for "The Top of The Web Award", will automatically
>>  be entered into a drawing to win a free VIP trip to San Francisco from
>>  anywhere in the continental US to the event.
>>  www.webmagazine.com/webby
>>  Please forward this note to all other persons responsible for the
>>  site.  Also, if you will, please confirm that this email has gone to
>>  the correct contact persons by sending a return email.
>>  Again, thank you for turning the World Wide Web into a true artform.
>>  Sincerely,
>>  Tiffany Shlain
>>  Producer, The Webby Awards
>>  tiffany_shlain@webmagazine.com
>>  415-978-3171

So, hey, brush up on your HTML, Shockwave, Perl, whatever.  If you
manage to leverage content-driven, consumer-focused, webcast and
nationally televised techniques to turn the Web into a True Artform,
then maybe you can go to Bimbo's too!!!

Dear Friends, *please* help send RageBoy to this Gala Event.  Just
think of the good he could do there.  The poor kid has been wandering
around the office all week humming "Blue Moon" -- all he can think
about is getting his ass on Television!

Here is the Official List of Webby judges.  Sure it's long, but that's
the whole point.  If you know any of these people personally, by all
means pass along to him/her several dozen copies of this
now-voluminous Special Issue.  EGR is an Equal Opportunity Alienator.
If we can sow even a *little* ill-will and rancorous malcontent within
the self-styled Online Community, perhaps our work will not have been
entirely in vain.

Dean Andrews            Contributing writer, THE WEB
Spencer Ante            Associate editor, THE WEB
Justine Bateman         Star of the TV series Men Behaving Badly
Alex Bennett            Radio host of the Alex Bennett Program on
                          Live 105
Jane Bosveld            Contributing writer, THE WEB; former editor
                          at Ms, Omni, NetGuide
Lily Burana             Former editor in chief of FutureSex magazine
                          and a THE WEB Magazine regular columnist.
Ted Casablanca          E! Entertainment Television and E!online
                          gossip columnist
James Cury              Senior Associate Editor at THE WEB Magazine
The Eels                Dreamworks band, the Eels
Ira Flatow              Executive Producer/Host of National Public
                          Radio Science
Steve Fox               Editor-in-Chief, THE WEB
Angela Freeman          PC World Assistant Editor (@Home section)
Kurt Freytag            President, Lucid Dreams
David Futrelle          Editor, Salon
Lisa Goldman            President, Construct Internet Design
Michael Goodwin         Movie critic, computer journalist
Michael Gough           Editor in Chief, Sidewalk
Nina Hartley            Adult film actress, and now a mainstream film
Ean Hauts               Multiplayer gaming expert and computer journalist
Eric Hellweg            Contributing writer, THE WEB; Staff Editor,
                          PC World
Penn Jillette           Magician, prankerster [sic], performer
Amy Johns               Wired magazine editor
Pagan Kennedy           Contributing Editor, THE WEB Magazine; author
Todd Lappin             Cyberrights Editor, Wired
Rob Levine              Music Critic and WEB Magazine contributing
Karen Libertore         Online Producer, MacWorld Online
Jennife McDonald        Literary Agent
Mark Meadows            Creative Director, Construct Internet Design
Pamela Mendels          Reporter, New York Times CyberTimes
Sia Michel              Contributing Editor, THE WEB; Associate
                          Editor, SPIN
Erika Milvy             Freelance Writer
Lisa Palac              Founding Editor of FutureSex Magazine
Tony Perkin             Editor-in-Chief, Red Herring
David Pescovitz         Author, Editor
Adam Philips            Contributing Writer, THE WEB
Suzan Revah             Contributing Writer, THE WEB; Associate
                          Editor,American Journalism Review
Derk Richardson         Music, TV, and Film Critic
Bob Sabat               Managing Editor, SmartMoney
Nathan Schedroff        Creative Director, VIVID Studios
Dr. Leonard Shlain      Surgeon, Author
R.U. Sirius             Author; Cofounder of MONDO 2000
Howard Smukler          Attorney
Michael J. Straczynski  Creator and Producer of SCI-FI TV series
                          Babylon 5
Jennifer Sucov          Senior Editor, Folio
Eric Tyson              Contributing Writer, THE WEB; Syndicated
                          Columnist; Author
Laura Victoria          WEB Magazine Sex section Writer
Brad Wieners            An Editor, HardWired
Bernie Yee              Author of many gaming books
Zak Zaidman             Founder, Gravity, Inc.
Henry Rosenthal         Independent Film Producer
Glen Helfand            Freelance Writer
Marjorie Ingall         Freelance Writer

We say: spam em all!  Especially that newbie "R.U. Sirius" -- ya gotta
love these people with AOL handles like that!  But gosh, we hope they
pick us anyhow...

Oh yeah, and one last thing.  Let's not have anyone from this group
putting that award nomination gif at


on his/her own site.  It's one thing to poke fun, but quite another to
be a dirty underhanded cheater! [Besides, it's too late now anyway,
as that was last year and, this being the web after all, it's a goner.

Just When We Thought We Couldn't Take It Anymore...

We have to go to California on business next week (bummer), so there
won't be another issue for a while. However, be sure to drop by t@p
online at


next Wednesday (Jan 29). Tara Calishain <calumet@mindspring.com>
writes zine reviews with wit and panache, and she's done a bang up job
on EGR.  The section is hard to find from the homepage, so go direct


You needn't wait til Wednesday, of course; her stuff is really good
and points to a fair number of nifty web pubs that EGR readers may
enjoy.  Just don't enjoy them too much, or you're off the list.

This website says of itself:

   t@p online is the largest and most publicized website on the
   Internet aimed at the "Next Generation"...  With four network sites
   and more than 15,000 pages of information, t@p has something for
   everyone...  t@p online is a high traffic site receiving an average
   of 12 million hits a month, 500,000 visitors a month and 4 million
   page views a month.

Combine this with the fact that, thanks to SuperKoolDude Mark Grimes,
EGR is heavily linked to the new Callahan site at


-- which in turn has been featured all week on Netscape's "What's New"
page -- and you get a growth curve that's clearly on a collision
course with the Ultimate Bandwidth Limits of the Internet Itself.
Thus, we hope readers will understand why we are attempting to get our
unsubscribe rate up as high as possible before the shit really hits
the fan. Please volunteer today for the new EGR Early Retirement and
Chicken Whirling Plan so that others on the distribution list won't
have to be Downsized later.

Thanking you in advance for your attention to this matter at your
earliest convenience, we remain... 

b'd'yeah, b'd'yeah, b'd'yeah...
That's All Folks!

Entropy Gradient Reversals
All Noise - All the Time


Nothing to disclaim at this time.


This is the greatest electronic newsletter ever created. If you think so too, it's free. If you don't think so, the annual subscription rate is $1000. Either way, to subscribe send email to egr-list-request@rageboy.com saying simply subscribe on a single line in the BODY of the message. Or, go to http://www.rageboy.com/sub-up.html where it will tell you to do the same thing. No Animals Will Be Harmed in the Making of This Subscription.

                                     Entropy Gradient Reversals
                                     CopyLeft Christopher Locke


"reality leaves a lot to the imagination..." John Lennon

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