I was, however, surprised to learn that, in addition to having my depression antied, I am also undergoing a radical sex change (see graphic, above right). I had suspected as much for some time, but it was a great relief to be officially informed. How else to explain my sudden need for a 38D sports bra?

"Back to Me"
RB shows off his new physique

Yes, well, all pharmaceuticals have their little side effects, and I can't say this one is entirely unwelcome. Given Boulder's overall gender-preference profile, I find that women are now paying much more attention to me. Before Effexor XR®, they never gave me a second look. But it was tips of a different sort I promised you, and tips you shall have. I pass along the following remarks from the Wyeth product site, having found them unusually insightful and compassionate towards those of us who suffer from depression. Do take a moment to scan the following and let me know if you don't agree.

You can do a lot to help others understand what you're going through. At any rate, it's good to keep telling yourself this, even in the face of massive evidence to the contrary. By helping them understand what you're experiencing, you'll be able to pave the way for better communication. Even people close to you who love you dearly, or pretend they do, may not know enough to be able to give you the support you need. They may want to reach out to you, but not know how. Conversely, they may not give a damn. As a result, their frustration with wanting to help you may come out in inappropriate ways. They may:

• Tell you to "just snap out of it."
• Push you to do more than you feel ready for.
• Make light of your feelings or symptoms.
• Tell you to "eat shit and die."

To involve yourself again with family and friends, you often have to take the first steps. Select times of the day or week when you're at your best, and when you feel up to it, follow the guidelines below. You also might want to check the local statutes pertaining to homicide in your country or region. While outright murder is not condoned by Wyeth®, we realize that sometimes it's the only way.

Involving Your Partner
When you are depressed, keep in mind that your partner is going through a difficult time as well. In these cases, be as realistic as possible, understanding that these expressions of tortured angst are often code words for "eat shit and die." He or she may feel stress about your situation and may feel angry or blame you for being depressed. Or, as suggested above, he or she may simply not give a flying fuck. Be patient and try to explain that you are doing as much as you can to get better, including taking your medication as instructed by your doctor and not whining quite as often about "how much it hurts." In other words, try not to be such a sniveling drain on other peoples' limited emotional resources. You can also say that there are some times when you just want someone to listen to you, and other times when you'd just like to fucking kill them.

You might want to suggest that both of you see a therapist together. Or, that if she were seeing a therapist, maybe you wouldn't have to be paying street-drug prices for all this goddam Effexor XR®. Different forms of talk therapy (baloney) have been shown to help when used in combination with medication and/or more direct interpersonal involvement. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, more than 80% of patients with depression show at least some improvement when they receive appropriate treatment with medication, talk therapy, contract "hit" services, or all three.