"AM I LOSING MY MIND?"
People afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are subject to such violent and frightening flights of grandiosity that those unfortunate enough to fall in love with one often fear for their sanity. Narcissists can be nice as pie one moment, cold and hostile the next. There are an estimated 187.34 million sufferers of NPD living in America today -- each displaying remarkably similar symptoms:

• a laughably overvalued sense of self worth
• sudden violent bank withdrawals
• oversensitivity to real or imagined EGR sends
• brief turbulent "love" affairs
• frequent periods of intense hauteur
• a pathological attraction to cosmetics
• an irrational fear of intimacy and an
• inability to give a shit

For years NPDs were difficult to describe, diagnose, and get away from. But now, for the first time, Dr. Rage J. Boy offers much-needed professional advice, helping victims to understand and cope with this troubling and shockingly widespread affliction. The second edition includes a new chapter on how to correctly sharpen the wooden stake.

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That's it. I give up. Try reading the (publiser's) Book Description of The Secret Language of Signs: How to Interpret the Coincidences and Symbols in Your Life. And don't miss the Top-100 reader-reviewer who gives it five stars and writes: "Over 200 pages that come in handy if you have a dream you can't make sense of, or see something that looks/feels like an omen..." As Selene likes to say, "OK then!" For a much needed whiff of oxygenated sanity, check out the Library Journal review. Ingram, however, thinks it's just great!

"A powerful new guide to understanding coincidences and premonitions in our lives by the acclaimed author of Sacred Space. In this truly mind-opening book, renowned healer and author Denise Linn shows that coincidence and the premonitions we've all experienced are never accidents, but a kindly universe's way of trying to nudge us in the right direction."

Whores.

...and (as Zappa and the Mothers were wont to aver) the chances are good... that the vegetable will respond to you.

I dunno, though. Some seem to have had better luck than myself in this area. My vegetables just sit there and don't do anything. Other than the occasional crow calligraphy, that is.

Apropos of that, actually, the following is lifted from One Spirit.com. Oooh, huh? It's a bookclub for New Agers, which I just joined so I could get lotsa that new-time religion without paying list and thus supporting the enemy. In fact, this is part of my recent research, and I'm doing all that I can to be fair and unbiased.

I was recently moved into a new office after the previous occupant had been "down-sized." What can I do to cleanse the space of any negative vibes? The following cleansing ritual is good for clearing a home or workplace of negative or stagnant energy. Begin at the doorway and move clockwise around the room. Take a pinch of undyed, natural salt or rock salt, and sprinkle it in the first corner, saying as you do so, "Clean and clear this corner be, from all that is not good for me." Repeat in all four corners, around the door frames, windows, and fireplace, in the same way. This ritual can be performed once a week. Before repeating the ritual, sweep up any old salt and take it outside your property boundary. Information adapted from Space Clearing: The Ancient Art of Purifying, Cleansing and Harmonizing Your Living Space, by Stella Martin.

OK, can I puke now? And maybe sprinkle some of that shit the scholl janitor used to put on it so he could sweep it up before everybody else started puking too. Click the headline above for a real outta site New Age laugh riot. I keep thinking this stuff must be some kind of joke, but I'm beginning to think These People really believe all this mystic hokum. I'll harmonize their fucking living space alright!

By the way, doesn't Deepak sound sorta like a rapper name?