Gonzo Marketing:Winning Through Worst Practices The Bombast Transcripts: Rants and Screeds of RageBoy
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Saturday, October 11, 2003
Something Borrowed, Something Blue...
Today I received possibly the weirdest spam in the history of the internet, which I have replicated verbatim below, as otherwise who would believe it?
Two thirty four sixty five? Hey, no sweat. I'll get right on it. As soon as I figure out where I'm going to find the cash to keep my fucking internet connection live and buy a baloney sandwich. Sure, sure, no problema...

But speaking of pieces of... mind, here's a picture (below) of my new girlfriend, Nyquil. George Sessum, knowing I was hard up, Fed-X'd her to me (thanks man!) And man, this lady is something else, I don't mind telling you. If you find that I'm not blogging all that much in the days ahead, you won't have to wonder why. That's right, she's got me taking out the trash, doing the dishes, building a deck, putting in the Fall tulip bulbs, vacuuming, dusting, ironing, cooking... Mother Fucker! I mean, I have never worked so hard for a little piece of tail. But she do have a nice one, oh my, so I'm not really complaining. Plus, because she's totally illiterate, she has no idea what I'm writing about her here. "No, Hon, I was just signing up for the Martha Stewart Book Club so I could get some more decoupage tips."
Sigh. I wish. Which is not to say I never hear from way cool net grrrlz. Because I do. All the time. Here's just a handful of the kinds of questions their ACTUAL SUBJECT LINES ask me every day...
RageBoy, are you 30 days behind on your mortgage?
RageBoy, are you happy with the size of your penis?
RageBoy, are you into hardcore?
RageBoy, are you making good use of your time?
RageBoy, are you naughty or nice?
RageBoy, how can I ask a guy out without sounding dumb?
RageBoy, are you prepared?
RageBoy, are you properly leveraging your time?
RageBoy, are you sure?
RageBoy, are you tired of waiting?
RageBoy, are you uncomfortable with the size of your manhood?
RageBoy, are your personal files backed up?
RageBoy, can I trust you???
RageBoy, do you have a healthy colon?
RageBoy, did you hear?
RageBoy, do you know if someone is watching you?
RageBoy, do you need help before payday?
RageBoy, do you sell in Germany?
RageBoy, are you dreaming of a new career?
RageBoy, ever wanted pain pills?
RageBoy, ever wanted real diet pills?
RageBoy, are you feeling the pinch?
RageBoy, are you ready for some football?
RageBoy, can your governance practices withstand heightened scrutiny?
RageBoy, hey, remember me?
RageBoy, are you ready for some action?
RageBoy, midgets? What the fuck!
Meanwhile, in Old Business, the "that asshole, Dave Winer" count is now up to several dozen! Jesus, c'mon you fuckin pussy-whipped losers! What's he gonna do, blacklist your blog and keep you from getting into Harvard? Well... perhaps this is the time for me to admit that it's all been A Big Joke! Actually, Dave and I are very close. Actually, very very close. Actually, we're queer lovers. Actually...

10:51 PM | link |

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"RageBoy: Giving being fucking nuts a good name since 1985."
~D. Weinberger
28 October 2004

Chris Locke's photos More of Chris Locke's photos

Until a minute ago, I had no photos. I still have no photos to speak of. I don't even have a camera. But all these people were linking to "my photos." It was embarassing. It's still embarassing. But I'm used to that.

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