Gonzo Marketing:Winning Through Worst Practices The Bombast Transcripts: Rants and Screeds of RageBoy
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Monday, September 01, 2003

Credit Where Credit Is Due
It's the most beautiful day Boulder has seen all summer. Cool, clear, sunny. So I guess this is why I live here. Then why I am I sitting indoors, writing this blog post? Search me. Except that I recently got very cool email from Mike Golby, who, christ knows (if only few others do), has pointed to this EGR page often enough. In his letter, he says things like...

  • I haven't a fucking clue what it is about your writing that rings so true, but there you go. As my spiritual adviser, Father Christopher, is wont to say, "It's an eternal mystery, my son."
  • Whatever... your writing is magic and will continue to piss people off.
  • Ah fuck, just rock on. You're the voice of a generation. God knows why, but you'll just have to get used to it. Best regards and thanks for reading a note that possibly makes absolutely no sense whatsoever [mind you, you're probably quite used to it by now].

In fact, I am, Mike. I get incoherent communications quite frequently, as you and the rest of the Valued Readers can only imagine (because it's primarily you who send them). But Mike, my man, for the above good words, I think you deserve some sort of reward, and I've been scratching my head all morning about something appropriate I could send you. If only I had the money. Sadly, I do not, and believe me, my sadness over this is not for your sake alone. However, I thought I'd at least tell you what I would have sent you under happier financial circumstances.

Alright then, Ed, tell him what he almost won!

  • The OH! Cards - see more here and at the totally lame Official Site
    Pretend the universe is speaking to you personally! These were a favorite of ex-date Anomalie Aesculapius. She used them to help her decide all sorts of Really Important Things, including whether we were "ready" to meet. This was after emailing each other for about two months from ten blocks away. Evidently, the cards answered no. OH! You see, they turned up The Nurse on a background card (the images and words are on separate cards) that said WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG. Her interpretation of this was that, as a child, she'd served as an emotional caretaker -- a nurse of sorts -- to her mother and father, and that this had the unsettling effect of inclining her to do the same in relationships. I see, I said. Though I really didn't at the time. In 20-20 retrospect, I realize now I should have listened to that oracle myself. As it was, I learned far too late what sort of "nurse" Anomalie really was. Anyway, I was thinking a gift like this could save you some considerable heartache and all-around hassle down the road. I mean, if you studied it carefully for possible clues. I only wish I had.

  • The Urantia Book on CD-ROM
    Hours of fun for the whole family! Here is Today's "Thought to Ponder" from the, yeah, you guessed it, Official Site
    "Spiritual growth is first an awakening to needs, next a discernment of meanings, and then a discovery of values. The evidence of true spiritual development consists in the exhibition of a human personality motivated by love, activated by unselfish ministry, and dominated by the wholehearted worship of the perfection ideals of divinity. And this entire experience constitutes the reality of religion as contrasted with mere theological beliefs."
    Yeah, so like I'm all over that shit. And check it out: new age narcissism just doesn't get any better than this. (well actually, it does, but for purposes of argument, let's say...)
    This is the true meaning of that divine command, "Be you perfect, even as I am perfect," which ever urges mortal man onward and beckons him inward in that long and fascinating struggle for the attainment of higher and higher levels of spiritual values and true universe meanings. This sublime search for the God of universes is the supreme adventure of the inhabitants of all the worlds of time and space.


    when the Lord
    gets ready
    you gotta
    - stones

  • Yeah, well, moving on, so to speak, it also occurred to me to get you one of these...


    ...but then I thought perhaps you'd already had enough of a fucking. We've all taken our licks, have we not?

  • The Sabian Symbols
    Now here's a gift that keeps on giving. This is one of the damndestly weird books I've ever come across -- many long years ago now, you betcha. When I was into such things. Which I would not even admit under threat of torture today. And of course there's a web site. Wouldn't you just know it? I noticed that there's an actual FREE ORACLE READING you can click on, which advises: "Clear your mind, make a mental picture of the question, then click on the wizard." My mental picture was a little fuzzy, as my question was: "What the fuck's up with Golby that he's being so nice and all?" Here's what came back...
    *** AQUARIUS 3 ***
    # 303


    You may find that the rigorous restraints and rules of the situation are no longer bearable. A decision to opt out may be moral or to maintain free spirit. There are always consequences for not playing the game. Are you prepared for them? Someone could feel as though they are being taken away from home and family for a reason they don't really understand.

    Rebellion. Leaving situations although allegiance had been pledged. Wrestling with one's conscience.

    The Caution: Not being prepared to play by the rules of any socially structured game. Withdrawing support when one should be involved in a physical, mental or emotional way.

    M-a-a-a-a-a-n, is that heavy, or what? I'm saddened that you find my rigorous restraints and situationist rules no longer bearable. But I do understand, believe me. I can't bear them myself most days. So really, don't feel bad. You fucking deserter!

    While I was at it, I figured I'd better check up on our mutual pal, Mr. Gary Turner. Same question, same questionable results...

    *** LIBRA 30 ***
    # 210


    There is ability here to read spiritual understandings into concrete objects. Several different aspects can be combined to result in a truly wise outcome. Pierce through appearances to see the truth of your situation. Bring abstract truths into reality. Concentrate on questions of a philosophical nature, but try not to live in your head too much!.

    Look to the signs. Wisdom that transcends book knowledge. Phrenology. Great brains. The head, scull or cranium.

    The Caution: Analyzing things too much and reliance on intellect. Taking things far too seriously.

    Oh yeah, that's Gary all right. Always the serious one! Sad really.

    This could go on forever, I know, but I figured I should ask the oracle one more time about AKMA, that arrogant, intolerant imperialist. And here's what it said about him...

    *** CAPRICORN 30 ***
    # 300


    There are decisions to be made and possibly plans to be laid out. You can't really make all these decisions on your own, you need help. Call on the relevant knowledgeable friends or authorities, with them you'll be able to iron out the details of your situation. Strategies may need to be implemented to move things forward. However, you may feel shut out by those "in charge". .

    Masterly control. Sharing innermost secrets. Confidential information. Big guys calling the shots. Governments and secret spies.

    The Caution: Excluding those who will be affected by decisions. Exploiting people or situations.

    Holy crap, huh? I always thought the guy needed help, but a secret government spy? Who would have guessed?

    OK, so that's it. No wait, wait. No wait. One more. I got a call from Don Williams as I was wasting this perfectly beautiful day writing this fucking leviathan post. Seems I'd missed our session for today. Not good. Not good at all. You know what they say about missing sessions. So anyway, one more about why I let this happen. How could I have spaced out (we say "dissociated" to be polite) this far? I suspect it was because he ripped off my Lauren Slater find and blogged it before I could, uh... so to speak, get it up. The dirty penis-envying low-life!

    *** GEMINI 8 ***
    # 68


    You need to stand up for your rights, and possibly for those of a group. You have some support from compatriots, but you can become separated from the general situation and may have difficulty finding creative solutions that satisfy everyone. It may be time to consider what negotiations can be made to bring things back to a feeling of equilibrium. By withdrawing your energies you will see how important you really are in the situation.

    Bargaining to find more equitable solutions. Demanding better rights and conditions.

    The Caution: Becoming obsessed with what is wanted. Refusing compromises. Protesting about everything. Not noticing one's rewards.

    What's with this "withdrawing your energies" bullshit? Oh crap, he's going to abandon me. I knew it! He doesn't care about me. He's going on vacation (again!) and I'm going to go crazy, I just know I will. Well... relatively speaking, that is. Hard to go somewhere you already are.

  • Simply The Best
    And so, as this lovely day draws to a close, and I prepare to take my first real bath in about a month, I leave you, Mike Golby, with this one little thing I can give you. As you see, I made it all by myself. With a little help, of course, from Mr. Bezos in Arts & Crafts. I hope you like it. If you mouse over the picture, I'm sure you'll see that she looks much better my way! So hey, go ahead, give her a shot!

6:52 PM | link |

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"RageBoy: Giving being fucking nuts a good name since 1985."
~D. Weinberger
28 October 2004

Chris Locke's photos More of Chris Locke's photos

Until a minute ago, I had no photos. I still have no photos to speak of. I don't even have a camera. But all these people were linking to "my photos." It was embarassing. It's still embarassing. But I'm used to that.

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