elizabeth lane lawley
michael "OC" clarke
e v h e a d
sweet fancy moses
wood s lot
m. melting object
Tuesday, October 01, 2002
10:49 AM | link |
Monday, September 30, 2002
From time to time, it becomes necessary to remind readers
that The EGR Weblog is nothing
more than what it promises: all noise - all the time. Intermittently, as deemed appropriate by the author for reasons known only to himself
(and rarely then),
it is an ongoing exercise in true-life fiction. The characters
and incidents portrayed and the names used herein are
any resemblance to the names, character, or history of any person is
coincidental and unintentional. Heh.
Crucially, there is
2:17 AM | link |
What Do Women Really Want? Me.
an outrageous claim
is kited, you know
there'll be a survey
to follow up. Here we asked a random sampling of women bloggers what they
thought about RageBoy's brag that he is the "Babe Magnet of
Blogdom." The results were unsurprising.
||I dream of RageBoy every night. He's so hot.
I cream just browsing EGR. Listen to this... "the power of
business is based on a bad metaphor: incorporation.
It means: to become flesh. And pretty clearly, companies don't do
that. Therefore, corporations have no heart, I say. I get blank
stares. No, I don't mean how much your company gave to the fucking
United Way or fucking Save the Children. I mean literally. Here, try
this, I say: corporations have no sex. No balls. They've never gotten
laid. Never fallen in love." Oooo, I think I need a pee break.
||Razhe Boy ees not like zee men in my country, who are so fool
of eet I would like to puké. He ees zee real existentialist, not zees
pees of shit poseurs we have in Paree. I want to have ees child.
||If elected, I will put an end to this prurient filth we are
seeing today on the Internet, especially from these self-styled
"web loggers." The worst offender in my view is a man, if we can
call him that, who calls himself "RageBoy." He is
nothing more than a psychologically
arrested adolescent with serious mental problems. However,
personally speaking, I do want to have sexual relations with him.
||Are you kidding? RB is a trip! When he was down here last time,
we got so messed up on ayahuasca I couldn't find my goats for a
week. He understands about how things are, not like those
clueless gringos who only pretend to help. He's is more like us. He doesn't
give a shit. I don't know how he gets so many girls, but he is
definitely a motherfucker in that department, oh yes.
||That RageBoy come round here again, he gonna get a faceful a
hominy. He a bastard, just like all these kids he leave me with.
The man jes no damn good. Fuck him. He come back, thas
precisely what I gonna do, too.
||Oh RageBoy, yes. He rings my bell bigtime. He's so
cyberspacious, you know what I mean? And so, I dunno, smart and
all. I don't really understand that stuff he writes, but who cares!
When he gets me in the back seat of his '55 Impala, all I can think
of is when I was a Candystriper at St. Luke's and me and these guys
I knew used to ride around and around in those big dryers. Wheeee!
||Aesthetically, he is very sensitive. Very attuned, I would have
to say. At times, he comes across as the worst sort of philistine
yahoo, but this is a carefully maintained pose. In bed, he has the feel of a
Stradivarius and the touch of a Yo-Yo Ma. I never meant to get
seriously involved with him, but he does have a way of sneaking up
on you. When we first met, he told me how deeply he was moved by
Beethoven's later quartets. After that, things seemed to go all
haywire for me. But no, I have no regrets.
||Yo, girlfriend, you believe what this honky motherfucker is
saying here? There gotta be some kinda law against that shit,
don't there? Have to admit, though, he do have kind of a cute butt.
You see a telephone number on that blog anywhere?
||I am very worried about the RageBoy. Is he taking the bad drugs
again? Is he messing with the women? He has no sense about the
women. He gets himself in trouble every time. One day,
I think the policia will catch him and then it will not
go well. He is a good boy, but he has no intelligence. He is kind,
but a fool. I like him anyway, though, and have hidden him on several
||My productivity is up up up after just a few rolls in the hay
with RB. My PowerPoints are all pointy. My flow charts are flowing.
My pie charts are all busted cherry. My manager says I've never
been so on the ball. Little does he know! Fortunately. True, RB's
not very deep, but he sure knows how to get a girl going. I have a
meeting right now, but I could tell you more later.
||Oh yah, dat RagerBoy be so much fun! I love him all the time he
come around here. The children love him too because he is always
laughing. I tink maybe crazy. But I tell those kids get out of
here, shoo! Me and Mr. Boy got some business to conduc. He know
about that, jah love he do. I wish he wouldn't go away so soon, but
he say he got this "blog" something, and some clients. Prob'ly he
lying. But that boy make me very happy, yes. You see dis smile on
my face. Where you tink dat come from?
||RageBoy has been very good to my family, especially our young
daughter. He takes her to the Europe one time and buy her many
things. When she return, she was so happy but also crying tears
because he must go to "EGR HQ" in "Yucatan Pennisula." He write
these things for my husband, and give him a good watch and a new
wheelbarrow from Poland. He say it once belong to Marek J, so take
good care of it. The little one is having her baby now, so I must
||He is the fire of my loins, the light of my eyes, the cool of
evening after the long day, the gushing spring in the desert's
thirst. It is simple. I am a woman. I would kill for this man.
||RageBoy? I really can't talk about it. Well, maybe just a
little. On the other hand, maybe I better not. Some girls get upset
when they find out we're together. How can anyone can be so petty?
Just because he chose me, that's no reason to get all weepy. He
said he was buying me a Porshe. If you see him, tell him Mina says
hi and hurry back!
||If that asshole comes back to my village, I will chop his dick
off. I will be proud to hang the dick of RageBoy outside my tent.
You see this child mutilating my tit? He is number 23. I don't know
why I let him in when he comes here stinking drunk and reeking of
the bad drugs. He promised me he was going into rehab, but of
course he was only lying again. That is why I always carrry this
large knife today. Let him come. This time he will be sorry. I love
him, though, so I hope he is OK.
||If you're asking would I fuck him, well, I guess the answer
would have to be yes. If you're asking if I already did, I'd have
to take the Fifth. I'll only say this: he's been running this two-for-one sale that's really hard to beat.
||Minga! That fuckin RageBoy will be the death of me. He came
here last month and now all the young girls are pregnant and none
of them will confess to the priest. He is the devil in human form.
He is pure evil. However, sometimes he can be generous. He brings
me the green olive spumoni from Roma. Blessed by the Holy Father,
he says. Of course he is lying, but it is a charming lie. If I were
a little younger, may the Virgin forgive me, I suppose I would
fuck him myself.
||Why doesn't he ever turn his cell phone on? One of the top-50
business gurus, my ass. He doesn't know shit about technology! He
leaves me out on this goddam beach, says he'll call. Oh yeah. Sure.
And right after I got my hair done.
||He loves me. He loves me not. He loves my Work. He loves my
Work not. He loves my ravens. He loves my ravens not. He loves me.
He loves me not...
Oh, fuck this!
||I could crush him with one hand. His balls anyway, for what he
did to me. I never thought I'd become a lesbian, but I'm not about
to risk that again. And he seemed so sweet and harmless at
first. Almost tender. Then the degrading things he made me do! "You
want me to suck WHAT?" I'd say. But he'd just laugh, as if it was a
big joke or something. I did come a lot, though. I sort of miss
||Let's see... now what's he saying? Oh, this is just too
too good! Wait till I tell Brenda and Phillip. God how I love being
first in our country club to read the latest EGR!
||Intellectually, the man is a midget. Not to mention a shameless
misogynist and a throwback racist. Nonetheless, he does seem to
have captured a certain postmodern je ne sais quoi. Would I fuck
||When RageBoy enters my meditations, I become full and moist. In
fact, right now I'm so horny I could fuck a fire hydant. Oh Isis,
please help me overcome these defilements! On second thought,
please materialize RB in the ever-present present of your prescient
presence. Maybe call in a fire alarm. I dunno. Something!
I would like to extend a very personal note of thanks to all the brave and wonderful women who participated in this important study.
12:32 AM | link |
Sunday, September 29, 2002
Come live with me and be my love...
It was the best of times it was the worst of times.
I fell in love. My keyboard started turning colors,
filling my eyes with that double vision. "Marlowe, is
that you?" she asked from the gloom of my outer office.
"What are all these damn roses doing here?" What could
I tell her. I needed a client. Bad. It had been a lean
season, but things were looking up. "Come right in, angel.
Relax. Try on these slippers. Now, what seems to be the
7:07 PM | link |
Jenna Turns Five!
Jenna, the lovely Ur-rascal daughter of
Jeneane and George Sessum,
will be FIVE YEARS OLD
tomorrow. At my suggestion (yes, you can blame me for
this one), Jenna has put together a comprehensive wish list on Amazon. Imagine what
you would wish for if you were five. Click on the title slug above, or
on Jenna's picture below to send her a birthday present.
Let's blow our very own
Baby Blogger's mind to teensy li'l bits! (And psssst... pass it
5:24 PM | link |
She's So Heavy
1:55 AM | link |
"RageBoy: Giving being fucking nuts a good name since 1985."
28 October 2004
||More of Chris Locke's photos
Until a minute ago, I had no photos. I still have no photos to speak of.
I don't even have a camera. But all these people were linking to "my photos."
It was embarassing. It's still embarassing. But I'm used to that.
what I'm listening to...
egr on topica
on yahoo groups
terms of service
It is too late.