Gonzo Marketing:Winning Through Worst Practices The Bombast Transcripts: Rants and Screeds of RageBoy
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Saturday, August 31, 2002
"You Either Get It, Or You Don't"

2:25 AM | link |

Wednesday, August 28, 2002
Touch of Evil
I used to think mere survival was the best revenge. Hmm... but maybe not. Maybe it's time to branch out. See you at the Oscars, bitch. "...and last but not least, I'd like to thank my two-time ex-date, Anomalie Aesculapius, for inspiring my lifetime dream: to see her shake on the silver screen..."

Dramatica Pro StoryView Movie Magic

I just ordered these so I can write cool shit like this...

Santanico Pandemonium: "I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me, you'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood, you'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog shit from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be 'Spot.' Welcome to slavery."

11:32 PM | link |

Tuesday, August 27, 2002

Do this. Buy the album. Remove annoying wrapper and anti-theft shit. Slot into car CD player. Position car at top of long ramp onto high-speed Autobahn-like highway just as sun is rising (and no cars around). Open all car windows and sun roof (if any). Punch up track 6 and crank to full volume. Gun it. Never come back.

9:49 PM | link |

Friday, August 23, 2002
RB On The Mend?
The new meds do seem to be helping. He left the office today for the first time in 12 weeks. Said he needed to do a little "last minute" (???) shopping. We're not sure that the items he brought back indicate a complete recovery, but at least our Boy got a bit of fresh air.

bowie cactus

1:29 AM | link |

Monday, August 19, 2002
The All New Friends Of RageBoy Serial
Thanks once again to Gary Turner, that delightful madman across the water. Compare his version and mine, below. In blogdom, "Babe Magnet" has no plural form. If any of you so-called dudes out there would like to challenge this statement, I have no doubt that Gary can set up a page announcing RageBoy's First Annual All-Nude Mudblogging Invitational™ where you can sign up for a shot at the title. If you can get more Blog Babes to contend under your banner, I will gracefully relinquish my self-appointed status. Note that I'm not exactly quaking in my boots at the prospect. Float like a butterfly sting like a bee / RageBoy will whup yo ass in three.

(Come on, girls! Egg on those chickenshit pocket-protector boys to put their mojo where your mouse is!)


Why I Fucking Hate This Charlatan Cocksucker: Part I

Oh chee, did I say something PROFOUND?
  1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
    Toltec narwhal my ass! Blow me, you two-bit carney barker!

  2. Don't Take Anything Personally
    OK, check. So I guess you won't mind if I jam this white-hot poker down your cake hole.

  3. Don't Make Assumptions
    Yeah, like that I'm not armed and dangerous.

  4. Always Do Your Best
    Keep trying, you sick deluded money grubbing stoner fraud.

11:16 PM | link |

Sunday, August 18, 2002
Sell the kids for food...
Christ on a Crutch! 
Have you read this blog! 
It's fuckin amazing!Things have come to a dreadful pass for Halley. Down to her last Sioux, she was forced to sell all her blog children to the evil Dr. JOHO, who has been using them for reckless brain experiments! She desperately needs more children, and she promises, if you sign up, not to sell you. Unless she needs a new car or something.

12:53 AM | link |

Saturday, August 17, 2002
Tear Off Your Own Head (It's a Doll Revolution)
Elvis rocks again. realaudio clip

Barbie, Queen of Night "Who dries your eyes when you cry real tears? Who knows or cares what an imitation is? Only you do. You can paint his nails. Make him wear high heels. Why waste time altering the hemline? Or do you... Tear off your own head. Tear off your own head. It's a doll revolution. You can bat your lashes. You can cut your strings. You can pull his hair with your moveable fingers. It looks so real. If one won't do it, so collect the set. Dress him in pink ribbons. Put him in a kitchenette. How does this feel? ... What's that sound?. It will turn you around. It's a doll revolution. They're taking over. And they're tearing it down. It's a doll revolution. You can pull and pinch him 'til he cries and squeals. You can twist his body 'til it faces backwards. Those plastic features. You could make somebody a pretty little wife. But don't let anybody tell you how to live your life. Broken pieces. Tear off your own head. Tear off your own head. It's a doll revolution."

Whenever I hear the word "art" I reach for my ...

9:36 PM | link |

Blogdom's 800-lb Gorilla Vets RB Claim

Dave Winer writes on Scripting News: "You heard it here first, RageBoy is a now officially a BabeMagnet™.

Thanks to all the Blog Babes who've sent in the keys to their hearts, apartments, condos, ski chalets, etc. Our motto: Keep em coming!

8:00 PM | link |

RB's Small Piece Loosely Joined
David Weinberger, author of Small Pisces Loosely Joined: Online Astology for the Millions, has finally copped! He writes:
"...at blogtree I've listed RageBoy and Doc as my blog's parents. Careful readers will observe that the date of my initial blog -- see the bottom of this page -- predates RB's. But he has threatened me with an unspecified form of public humiliation if I don't admit he is my daddy. And it's certainly true that RB's holding me up as the posterboy of Not Getting It about weblogs (unmerited though that honor was) spurred me to start blogging seriously...after having watched Doc for years showing what a blog could be. Besides, who wouldn't be proud to admit that he's RageBoy's love child? So, thanks for the years of abuse, RB. I take it as an honor."
Yer welcome.

7:26 PM | link |

Thursday, August 15, 2002
Korean Spam Bills Orgasmatron As "Ear Cleaner"

5:04 PM | link |

Tuesday, August 13, 2002
RB Proclaims Himself Blogdom's Top-Banana BabeMagnet
Hi! I visited YOUR WEBLOG today and noticed that you're still married! I think we can offer you a service that will significantly increase blood flow to your genital region. I would like to introduce you to BabeMagnet ® - a unique way to take fullest advantage of the weblog you already have!

"I fix broken hearts," says RageBoy. "You know I really can."

We're busy 24 hours a day.


"There is no doubt in my mind that RageBoy
is blogdom's reigning babe magnet."

(World renowned relationship expert Dr. David Weimeraner,
author of Small Pieces of Ass Loosely Joined.)

8:33 PM | link |

Monday, August 12, 2002
You Wanted More Body Parts?

Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away. For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.

Song of Songs, 2:10-14

Many thanks to Shelly Powers, Jeneane Sessum, Halley Suitt, Denise Howell, Gary Turner, Dave Winer, Fishrush, Tom Matrullo, Frank Paynter, Steve Himmer, Banana Bob, Howard Greenstein, Ryan, and many more...

11:15 PM | link |

get your badge here.

"RageBoy: Giving being fucking nuts a good name since 1985."
~D. Weinberger
28 October 2004

Chris Locke's photos More of Chris Locke's photos

Until a minute ago, I had no photos. I still have no photos to speak of. I don't even have a camera. But all these people were linking to "my photos." It was embarassing. It's still embarassing. But I'm used to that.

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