Gonzo Marketing:Winning Through Worst Practices The Bombast Transcripts: Rants and Screeds of RageBoy
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Saturday, May 18, 2002
Double Dead Gonzo
People like to pretend that rock & roll has no literary merit. Shows what they know! Be sure not to miss the Extra Large Economy Size Grafik! Shit, I gotta get me a girl name of Shemane too! Is that cool or what? And get this... Amazon.com Sales Rank: 38. OK, fuck, that does it. Goodbye cruel world...

1:08 AM | link |

Friday, May 17, 2002
Hey, Wait a Minute!!!
I'm doing a slow burn over AKMA suggesting I'm priapic. At first I thought he meant peripatetic. Then I looked it up. I mean just because my homepage design was copied by this woman who calls herself Cynthia Plaster Caster is no reason to go getting all STUCK UP! Man of the cloth my ass! (btw, be sure to mouse over the various uh... menu items.)

5:06 PM | link |

More on the Imminent Halley-RB Transform
The proposed bidirectional lifeswap of Halley Suitt and RageBoy seems to be generating quite a lot of buzz in Blogaria today. For instance, Frank Paynter sends email...
I dunno... we my have run into the realm of FUQ (Frequently Unasked Questions). The body/life swap event that Halley and Chris are looking for can, to the best of my knowledge, only be accomplished as follows:

On June 20, Halley must lead a goat to the summit of Mount Shasta. There, while she plays the nose flute and feeds the goat fresh lilacs, Chris (wearing a cockatiel on his left shoulder) must read aloud passages from John Barth, Tuli Kupferberg or Tom Robbins and he must be accompanied by tapes of John Cage compositions recorded no later than 1950.

Young women with exposed midriffs frolicking on the mountain as they scatter assorted wild flower blossoms are optional, but will assure a complete transference.

At the appropriate moment the cockatiel and the goat must be set free. We will be able to ascertain the validity of results by observing Halley after she returns to her normal (?) life. If she is then found to frequent Italian family restaurants and spends a lot of time conversing with the wait-staff, we'll know it took.

This method of mind/body transference has never failed, although Wavy Gravy and G.W. Bush are even now searching desperately for the means to reverse it.

12:39 PM | link |

Priapic Ideation
I am very proud to announce that I've been awarded the coveted Portnoy Chair at the prestigious University of Blogaria. Henceforth, I will be Professor of Priapic Ideation at that noble institution. However honored I am by this appointment, I want all my fans, underlings and groveling minions to know that fame has not gone to my head. A simple "Herr Professor Doktor" will do. (Hell, an even simpler Doctor would do, but that's a complaint no Portnoy Prof worth his salt would ever admit to.)

8:58 AM | link |

Halley Can Have It!
Halley Suitt writes: "Don't you know I'm a Chris Locke wannabe?!" All I can say is that I'm ready and willing to trade lives with anyone who can provide: a) the tech to accomplish the transfer and b) a little healing garden-variety BOREDOM for a change. So Halley, if you'd like to swap your monotonous at-home mommery for my hyperfascinating superexciting life -- for a day, a week, a year, however long you want -- just tell me this so I can get oriented: where do you keep the Pampers?

8:26 AM | link |

Thursday, May 16, 2002
Proposed bumpersticker/t-shirt...


9:22 PM | link |

RB Raps About Blogging on Marketplace Radio
I talked about weblogs today on the Marketplace Morning Report. The whole rap is called out from the Marketplace homepage (at the moment). Or you can link direct to the RealAudio stream. Here are some notes I took before the taping, and edited a bit afterwards.
Weblogs, "blogs" to their many enthusiastic fans, what they are, 25 words or less, yada yada. People writing personal stuff. About love and loss and joy and death and sex and like that. Never been an outlet for us to say who we are. Just NEWS and ADVERTISING and POLITICS and MINDLESS ENTERTAINMENT a la (can I say this?) Disney. Not that I'm not a big fan of mindless entertainment myself, but there's never been a choice before, and now there is and people are coming to it by the millions just as business is wringing its hands that the Internet is a "failure," the fucking morons. (NOTE: don't say "fucking" morons.) Of course it's a failure! For ramming the same old shit down our throats. (NOTE: don't say... oh, fuck it.) Kids are talking to each other about Columbine and the recent rerun in Germany. About breakups and disappointments, small joys, big setbacks. About fucking. And shit. And fucking shit up. But more than that. Giving each other permission to be human. Passing along encouragement, support, and (if we can just not snicker for a second) hope. Plus lotsa laughs.

The press is all over weblogs, but the press doesn't get why they're so hot. We're talking about our lives here. Not what we buy or watch on TV or how we'd vote if the fucking politicians weren't all ruthless egomanicas. And fucking stupid. (NOTE: do say "fucking stupid" -- make them edit it out.) We're talking about our lives. What they feel like from the inside. What really matters to us and what doesn't -- like whether business thinks the net is a failure. Talking about our lives. Writing as if our lives depended on it. And there was never a place to do that before. Not like this. It's not just "the kids," either. Not just the usually suspect too cool dyed in the wool webheads. Women have a lot to do with how the personal dimension is emerging. Halley Suitt writing about her dad's death. While it's happening. Jeneane Sessum writing about her father too. How she loved him, the impact of his loss. And Elaine, in her 60s, writing about the men in her life, lovers. Writing odes to Pan. You know, the usual...

8:27 PM | link |

Wednesday, May 15, 2002
Keep Trying Meets Fuck It Give Up
Mike Sanders asks: "As I read the blogs I am wondering why there is such a disdain for the search for truth." I dunno, Mike, because it's so fucking incredibly crashingly boring? Your blog was well named. And don't try bringing the Jews and Arabs into it. Just another red-herring ploy to resurrect an obsolete and self-righteously judgmental moralism.

Take our collective coming full circle. What part of that is true? All of it? Selected bits in a manner of speaking? None? Can we have a little more relativism, please? Like about sex and death and joy and funny situations and making it through the goddam night so we can keep on telling each other our stories? Thanks. The truth can blow me.

9:49 AM | link |

"RageBoy: Giving being fucking nuts a good name since 1985."
~D. Weinberger
28 October 2004

Chris Locke's photos More of Chris Locke's photos

Until a minute ago, I had no photos. I still have no photos to speak of. I don't even have a camera. But all these people were linking to "my photos." It was embarassing. It's still embarassing. But I'm used to that.

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