Gonzo Marketing:Winning Through Worst Practices The Bombast Transcripts: Rants and Screeds of RageBoy
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Saturday, August 26, 2000
I'm so mortified
...that I wrote about dictionaries in that last EGR send and misspelled "inscrutable" in the subject line. Surely I'll be hearing about this for weeks. One reader writes: "Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious." But another disagrees violently. "Mr. Locke: It is very disappointing to read the filth that comes from your mind, out the ends of your fingers, and onto the keyboard of your computer; especially since you seem to be of above average intelligence.?? I have just uttered a prayer for you that JESUS CHRIST would strike you in your spirit as He did Paul (Saul) on the road to Damascus. As you may or may not know, Paul's job as a Pharisee was to hunt down Christians and have them persecuted/killed. You are playing a bad game with the ALMIGHTY CREATOR as HE ALWAYS WINS. If I were you, I would think long and hard about using the CREATOR's name, and that of his precious SON JESUS CHRIST, as curse words. You are placing yourself in danger of hellfire; ponder before you laugh!" I did ponder. Then I laughed. Hey, if you were me, pal, EGR would have ever so many fewer readers. I have just uttered a prayer for you that RAGEBOY would strike you funny. Lighten up, Pilgrim.

3:12 PM | link |

Harlan Ellison versus the Crazy Yenta Gossip Line
Here's a reply to Ellison from the same reader who sent the reference to the item below, Peter da Silva. This is an excellent thoughtful piece, with which I largely agree, even though he accuses EGR of broadcasting. I'd call it narrowcasting, an important distinction.

2:57 PM | link |

But Tell Us How You Really Feel, Harlan
Man, and you thought I was a motherfucker! A reader sent a reference to this interview with Harlan Ellison titled "The World Is Turning Into a Cesspool of Imbeciles." I couldn't disagree more. Without imbeciles, what would EGR do for readers?

2:14 PM | link |

Friday, August 25, 2000
RB Revealed At Last!
Only if you are subscribed will you get the secret knowledge, oh Grasshoppa! If I could just finish writing this fucking issue I began this morning. What would life be without interruptions? I'd sure like to find out. And how's every little thing on your end, hmmmmm?

11:38 PM | link |

Thursday, August 24, 2000
A Savage Journey into the Heart of the Amazon
Well hell, who knew CGI scripts could be so much fun? Especially when they cost actual money and they're busted. The lists at the top were going to include the top 100 CDs, but that yielded the top 100 404s instead. Try it on the vendor's site!

10:23 PM | link |

Bad Candy
"...the burning commences. It begins at the base of your throat, and spreads throughout your mouth until you either spit it out (yes), or swallow (no). But still the pain spreads. You may continue to spit or attempt to drink something, anything, in a vain effort to put an end to the tortuous pain. You'll gasp and claw at your throat, pleading for help. And then you'll die."

8:45 AM | link |

All Kindsa Shit
When hacking Amazon Associatehood, the possibilities are endless. This collection includes such classics as the "History of Shit," "How to Shit in the Woods," and the sadly out of print "From Every Pile Of Shit That Falls My Way I Shall Make A Daisy Grow." No shit.

8:08 AM | link |

Science Fiction Double Feature
Invasion of the Body Snatchers anyone? Or perhaps you're more in the mood for Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre. Plus, talk about your fear and loathing... find gonzo reporting and pulp fiction by Hunter S. Thompson, Raymond Chandler, Ross Macdonald, Carl Hiaasen, Kurt Vonnegut or anybody else. There's more than meets the eye here, folks, so do a couple searches and see what happens. Remember, here at Entropy Gradient Reversals, we're only in it for the money.

7:53 AM | link |

Endangered Appetizers
"Police in Thailand have arrested a man on suspicion of trying to smuggle 55 anteaters out of the country." Late-breaking news? I dunno. Hell, what do you do on the web at 3:30 in the morning?

3:41 AM | link |

Tuesday, August 22, 2000
High-End Kick Scooters
OK so we make the usual Amazon kickback off the Razor scooters listed below. You don't like that? Tough shit. But there is an alternative to tithing EGR: spend four times as much on a Xooter. We have to admit, these babies look hot! Send us one.

6:25 PM | link |

Scooter fever
Forget the World Wide Web. What's really happening these days is scooters! If you haven't seen them invading the streets of your city, then you definitely don't get out enough. We figure anything that pisses off the powers that be can't be all bad, and this fad is definitely pissing off plenty of lawmakers and little old ladies (irrespective of size, age and gender). Don't got one? Get one!

5:46 PM | link |

This Just In... Nobody Gives a Fuck
"Remember that fearsome device that held Malcolm McDowell's eyes open in 'A Clockwork Orange''? You might want to reserve one for the Dick Cheney-Joseph Lieberman vice-presidential debate this autumn."

5:05 PM | link |

Private patio? Pet friendly? Is it just us, or does this page lack a little something in terms of... exactly how to say this?... the power of its convictions.

4:57 PM | link |

IQ Test Snags Fool
The EGR base page includes this WARNING! "To enter, your IQ must be over 18! If you're dumber than that, please leave now. Not sure? Take this simple intelligence test." Today, a casual web stroller writes to us: "Your intellegence test link is a 404!, duh!" Take the test yourself and see if you can figure out what this person is missing (aside from the canonical few bricks shy of a load).

4:42 PM | link |

American Heritage
Good news for fellow lexicografreaks: The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, is now shipping. This is one of the best dictionaries around, and the new one sounds even better than the last. "The Fourth Edition includes over 10,000 new words and senses, full etymologies, a revised Appendix of Indo-European Roots, and an all-new Appendix of Semitic Roots. It also includes an expansive note program: over 450 new and revised Usage Notes, 100 Regional Notes, and a new feature, Our Living Language Notes." There's also a CD-ROM edition.

4:12 PM | link |

"RageBoy: Giving being fucking nuts a good name since 1985."
~D. Weinberger
28 October 2004

Chris Locke's photos More of Chris Locke's photos

Until a minute ago, I had no photos. I still have no photos to speak of. I don't even have a camera. But all these people were linking to "my photos." It was embarassing. It's still embarassing. But I'm used to that.

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